from my last entry in may 2023, i was fearing the direction of my career. i had a bad job for a while, spiral into depression, then things got better.
By referral, I manage to get work at a fintech company, there I faced self-doubt and looming timeline, I often felt not enough. I often felt lagging behind.
By new year 2024, two pairs of my friend began dating each other. I was not happy about it, because it makes me feel like I am lagging behind. One friend who only take bootcamp, got offered a WFH job that pays more than mine.
I am happy because this is my best job so far, and I live together with my sister so we can share a lot of things, our parents are healthy too.
Lately I see no development in my gaming skill, so every time I play with my friends, I felt like lagging behind. No boyfriend, still overweight, and still struggling in work every now and then. Somehow, I simply did not have an advantage. I have run and run, but still falling behind.
However, I am trying to shatter those things I wanted to shed the old skin, learn some new things, I want to keep believing that truly, the only way is up. In doing so, I have identified so things that need improvement:
- communication skill : learn to communicate your thoughts in a clear and concise way.
- appearance : maintain hygiene and try to smile often, keep processed food minimal
- money : save more, invest more
- passive income / alternatives : explore shutterstock again, practice interior designing
I must look for other way to keep me satisfied and entertained, I don’t think gaming is beneficial to me anymore because there are no boys left in that server, and it does not contribute to me being more successful nor being prettier/healthier.
Dear me, it’s okay to be honest to yourself. Selfish and shallow is not a bad trait, do not lie to yourself and be a yes man to everything. Deep down you dislike sacrificing so much just to gain appearance in front of others.
namelessprotection 