Novel Idea: Everlasting Tropical

I guess everyone always wanted things they did’t have, things they didn’t experience.

As someone who lives in a tropical country, with only two seasons, life is boring. The city I live in, the routine of going to school, and then university. And the holidays

The days I spent sitting in front of the TV and dreaming of the world I watched about. And the shadow of things I should have done.

No remarkable stories, there’s nothing like a slice-of-life stories, let alone those fantastic non-fictions. Just me and my mind elaborating and trying to fool myself that my life will be as exciting as the art and literature portrait.

Twenty-ish August, last day of student “initiation” program

We were being shouted at, sing louder, sing louder, they said. We were standing in front of the campus, sweat drizzling and standing straight. I hate this already. I said it silently. And one time they wanted someone from us to sing the march, our march, they said. So someone surprisingly came forward,  me. A display of temporary brave decision followed by belittling thoughts that rendered me back to a over-sensitive girl back in the high school , who broke down crying in front of public, with shameful wardrobe, imperfect face and I believe, “so much fuss” . But the rest of the year I got great friends. But I still can’t break away from the past myself. With future looming closer I still just the girl who abandon her own mission.


No Cover Ups

I don’t really know

I am not sure

It’s sad how I still carry those words on my mind up until now.
I am nineteen going on twenty and still, I haven’t done something significant

others got into government uni

some others people I don’t know already have companies, income, or fame

one of it, or all of it

I wonder, if people can see the way who I really am, what’s left of me?
I wonder, if I can see me so clearly, what will I see?

What will I get of me if I see myself as clearly as I see the stars on Italy’s winter night sky?

A sparkling, but coldly burning gas.

I get it

I get it now, a phrase to describe stars, and may be sun too

An lonely orb burning coldly.

The bystanders see it as clusters, but they are not.

Observer see them as blueish cold, but they are not. 

And all of the made up constellation weren’t meant to be, they just kinda roll with the myth and legends people made.

You want me to be a hydra? So be it

A river and a chariot? So be it.

And like a philosopher, I connect them to life, to human being, to our way of life

I think to myself that it resembles people, some people burn so brightly just to be seen as cold. Some people burn not as hot as others but be seen as giving life. All because it’s a matter of perspective. And fate.