know my full name and i’ll melt your heart, but take away my first name and i’ll tear you apart.


Lowly Spy

I am such a lowly spy, I observe you through the place you thought safe.

I don’t know when you’ll find out but I hope you’ll never find out.

It doesn’t mean anything…it just feels better to me that someone from my earlier days could say something to me…  because we all know that  time was dark days to me, with so few  interaction and communication. So I feed on your posts and comments and writings… Because although it is so much different, it feels like finally, I could freely say my opinion without the fear of being judged.



People like you need to remain anonymous?

Just, really?? Although I should have nothing against you, it just pissed me off, how you exclude me out of your circles, and it pisses me more that it seems that my future couldn’t be brighter than you.

I feel like the only appropriate revenge is being successful, but based on my current condition , it didn’t seem probable.

I am not the smartest, brightest, nor the prettiest. I am more or less like myself back in high school, just an average, who can be toppled down anytime. It’s not like things got worse, Things DO gets better, but when I see your life, the life you post on social media, I feel like a teenager again. Helpless and defeated.

I feel like I am a retard, frantically cling onto blaming others, pitying myself and daydreaming. I don’t really know what is my purpose in life.

I did count what I have now, and I am comparing to what I should have had. I measure that I should HAVE had  so much more than what I have now. Not material things like money, phone, or the kind things parents gave. Those things are enough and I should be grateful of my family. The thing I am concerned about is my LIFE, how my accomplishment was SO DAMN little.

All my life up until now, I have people that annoys me, people I dislike, and some person whom I dislike so much it was almost hate. I also have people that I looked down at, people I looked up to, and people I wish to surpass. These things vexed me. Everywhere I g, I met these kind of people, most of them which I cannot defeat.


I pretended you didn’t exist. I sat down right next to you. And I still pretended you didn’t exist. Because you’ve been sitting in my mind forever, so I’ve gotten pretty damn good at pretending you don’t exist.
what is or who is “you”, a person? Me ? others that i treat like that?
A thing? my dream? my weaknesses and strength? Who knows. SO much have been sitting in my mind lately.