Everlasting Tropical (2)

To be precise, the mission, or rather, my missions itself aren’t clear from the very start. Because the kind of missions in life are the ones that we should define ourselves , it appears I am way too lax about it. I rarely takes anything seriously from the beginning, I falter at crossroads, everyone, especially from high school seems so much better.

My sister, my college friends, people I envy and people I adore seemed to be on a whole different level, and I end up making up tales with me as a protagonist, where the alternate universe completely fascinating, with the flow of fate and time are all under my imagination. Those things were on my mind so often I allow it to preoccupy me when I am on my own.

In the alternate universe, where often wilder than the reality, I have good grasp of myself. My dream looks, was a projection of my ideal view of beauty. Naturally attractive without being overboard.  My talents, my strength and weaknesses was a reflection of everything I lack, and my reputation in the alternate universe is (I guess) the way I wanted to be viewed by others.

The sound of splashing water and the smell of chlorine. I associated it with my ideal condition of day dreaming. My body keep moving to match the action-packed situation I create in my mind, the gears in my brain keep moving to keep the story running. Sometimes the plot goes back and pick up any loopholes, sometimes it progressed leap and bounds. Sometimes, the plot reveals itself and move forward. Times like that make my alternate universe a little bit closer to reality. But those moments rarely comes, because, well, the best stories are the ones well thought.

Me swimming by myself. Nice. Me swimming by myself in an empty pool, when there wasn’t too much chlorine, and when the sun isn’t too hot. Perfect. That’s why I want to go swim alone, just the water, the sound of my hand slashing the water, and the smell of chlorine on the water. It’s great because in swimming, it is understandable to completely silent and not making facial expression all the time, and the advantage of blurry sight of other people is relaxing too.




Novel Idea: Everlasting Tropical

I guess everyone always wanted things they did’t have, things they didn’t experience.

As someone who lives in a tropical country, with only two seasons, life is boring. The city I live in, the routine of going to school, and then university. And the holidays

The days I spent sitting in front of the TV and dreaming of the world I watched about. And the shadow of things I should have done.

No remarkable stories, there’s nothing like a slice-of-life stories, let alone those fantastic non-fictions. Just me and my mind elaborating and trying to fool myself that my life will be as exciting as the art and literature portrait.

Twenty-ish August, last day of student “initiation” program

We were being shouted at, sing louder, sing louder, they said. We were standing in front of the campus, sweat drizzling and standing straight. I hate this already. I said it silently. And one time they wanted someone from us to sing the march, our march, they said. So someone surprisingly came forward,  me. A display of temporary brave decision followed by belittling thoughts that rendered me back to a over-sensitive girl back in the high school , who broke down crying in front of public, with shameful wardrobe, imperfect face and I believe, “so much fuss” . But the rest of the year I got great friends. But I still can’t break away from the past myself. With future looming closer I still just the girl who abandon her own mission.

No Cover Ups

I don’t really know

I am not sure

It’s sad how I still carry those words on my mind up until now.
I am nineteen going on twenty and still, I haven’t done something significant

others got into government uni

some others people I don’t know already have companies, income, or fame

one of it, or all of it

I wonder, if people can see the way who I really am, what’s left of me?
I wonder, if I can see me so clearly, what will I see?

What will I get of me if I see myself as clearly as I see the stars on Italy’s winter night sky?

A sparkling, but coldly burning gas.

I get it

I get it now, a phrase to describe stars, and may be sun too

An lonely orb burning coldly.

The bystanders see it as clusters, but they are not.

Observer see them as blueish cold, but they are not. 

And all of the made up constellation weren’t meant to be, they just kinda roll with the myth and legends people made.

You want me to be a hydra? So be it

A river and a chariot? So be it.

And like a philosopher, I connect them to life, to human being, to our way of life

I think to myself that it resembles people, some people burn so brightly just to be seen as cold. Some people burn not as hot as others but be seen as giving life. All because it’s a matter of perspective. And fate.


When you’re in doubt, remember Rome, remember Paris and Dubai and Luzern, the ones who made it happen, the ones you are with, and the ones who waited you to come home.

The one who always for you to make a decision, the one whose whole life depends on your move now. Your very self

remember this. We all have a long past, a long tomorrow to come, but a very short present.

History that have been written, prophecies to tests. The present is a rolling existence. Never stops


That. That is the level to aim for. To strive for. That is the level of someone who relentlessly pursue only one goal and didn’t waver. A pure genius, a combination of brain and brawn, wits and hardwork.

A level, which I will struggle to reach. The struggle only get harder because I waver. I waver and sways left and right. I worked but not effectively. I pay little heed to literature and books and social life around me.

Wherever I am , be it primary school ,junior school, senior high, and university, there is always, always people who are better, prettier, smarter, knowledgable.

Enough for now, I have heaps of work.

PS. I still have to check for spelling, grammar and wording



College of Incarnation

A college/dormitory where all of its students are a reincarnation form of the previous students long long ago. They all have their own secret room/place. Actually, no one supposed to regain/have memory of their past lives, but one student did, he/she regain his/her memory little by little and try to find out why there were no notes/records/memoirs from their past lives.

turns out…They are actually ghosts that waits for time to return to earth/ what events lead to a whole school being reincarnation? Magic? philosophical approach? psychological explanation? conflict? Or are they merely bodies filled with the memories of others? to resume the quest of saving the school and break the everlasting cycle??/

“It was simply not fair, to remember things that others can’t , to know secrets that others keep. ”

“We were someone else”


Strength Test


What is Talent and Strength?Talents are people’s naturally recurring patterns of thought, feeling, or behavior that can be productively applied. The more dominant a theme is in a person, the greater the theme’s impact on that person’s behavior and performance.

Strength is the ability to perform correctly in a specific activity under different circumstances.The Talent & Strengths Ranked Test measures the presence of 34 Talent themes. It is suggested to focus on your dominant talents and cultivate them to become Strengths.The Free Strengths Test Report contains:
Rank: from the most to the least dominant.
Strength Potential: What is the Strength of this Talent (when Developed).
Main Objective: What can be the results of this Talent.
Your score from a maximum 100 and a Video explanation of each of them.

Your Talents Results are:
(from highest to lowest)

Rank Talent Strength Potential Main Objective Description Score Video explanation
1 Information Excavator Information Input To dig and validate information. People with the Information Excavator talent have a craving to know more. Also enjoying the collection and archiving of information. 89 Click Me
2 Winner Compete Compete with others to win. People with the Winner talent measure their progress in relation to the performance of others. They strive to be the first place and love contests. 87 Click Me
3 Solutions Finder Ideate Ideate new ways to solve problems. People with the Solutions Finder talent are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena. 84 Click Me
4 Thinker Intellect Intellect and think to filter information. People with the Thinker or Reasoner talent are characterized by their intellectual activity: introspective with an appreciation of intellectual discussions. 84 Click Me
5 Presenter Communicate Communicate (messages) information. People with the Presenter talent generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and communicators. 82 Click Me
6 Student Learn Learn to do things to reduce time to performance People with the Student talent have a great desire to learn and continuously improve; the process of learning, rather than the outcome, engages them. 82 Click Me
7 Recognition Significant Get Recognition and be in front of others. People with the Recognition talent want to be seen as very important in the eyes of others; highly independent, they want to be recognized. 82 Click Me
8 Group Relations Relate Relate in order to integrate groups. People who are with the Group Relations talent enjoy close relationships with others; finding deep satisfaction in working hard together with friends to achieve a goal. 82 Click Me
9 Excellence Maximize Maximize performance by Focusing on People Potentials. People with the Excellence talent focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence; seeking to transform something strong into superb. 82 Click Me
10 Prioritizer Focusing Focusing on important things. People with the Prioritizer talent can take a direction, follow through, making adjustments necessary to stay on track; prioritizing, followed by action. 80 Click Me
11 Integrator Include Include left out people to generate Social Improvement. People with the Integrator talent are accepting of others. They show awareness of those who feel left out, and make efforts to include them. 78 Click Me
12 Believing Believe Believe and doing the ‘right thing’. People with the Believing talent have certain core values that are unchanging. From these values emerges a defined purpose in life. 78 Click Me
13 Consensus Harmonize Harmonize in order to solve conflicts. People with the Consensus talent look for seek harmony. They don’t enjoy conflict; preferring to find areas of agreement. 78 Click Me
14 Fixer Restore Restoration and troubleshooting to solve problems. People with the Fixer talent are adept at dealing with problems; their give is to figure out what is wrong and resolving it. 78 Click Me
15 Organizer Arrange Arrange and Optimize resources. People with the Organizer talent like to figure out how all of the pieces and resources can be arranged for maximum productivity. 76 Click Me
16 Historian Contextualize Contextualize Situations in order to not repeat the same mistakes. People with the Historian talent enjoy thinking about the past. Understand the present by researching its history. 73 Click Me
17 Equalizer be Fair be Fair and treat people the same. People with the Equalizer talent are keenly aware needing to treat all people the same and fairly, by setting up clear rules and adhering to them. 73 Click Me
18 Unifier Connect Connect and unite people & things. People with the Unifier talent have faith in the links between all things. They believe there is a reason for every event. 73 Click Me
19 Initiator Activate Activate new Projects. People with the Initiator talent can make things happen by turning thoughts into action. They are often impatient. 71 Click Me
20 Foreman Commanding Commanding and direct (people). People with the Foreman or Capitan talent have presence. They can take control of a situation and easily make decisions. 69 Click Me
21 Potential Cultivator Develop Develop People’s Potential. People with the Potential Cultivator talent recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They can spot and get satisfaction with the signs of small improvement. 69 Click Me
22 Flexibility Adapt Adapt in chaotic environments. People with the Flexibility talent prefer to ‘go with the flow.’ They tend to be ‘now’ people who take things as they come; living one day at a time. 69 Click Me
23 Charismatic Meet People Meet People to get new relations. People with the Charismatic talent love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over; deriving satisfaction from breaking the ice and making connections with another people. 69 Click Me
24 Commitment Responsible be Responsible in order to complete activities. People with the Commitment talent take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. Taking responsibility and adhering to values such as honesty and loyalty. 64 Click Me
25 Hard Worker Achieve Achieve results. People with the Hard Working talent have a great deal of stamina. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive. 64 Click Me
26 Stucturer Disciplined be Disciplined and create routines to avoid rework. People with the Structure talent enjoy routine and structure. Their world is best described by the order they create. 64 Click Me
27 Personalizer Individualize Individualize people to understand their differences. People with the Personalizer talent are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. Their gift is to figure out how people who are different can work together productively. 62 Click Me
28 Analyst Analyze Analyze to find root causes. People with the Analyst talent search for reasons and causes. They consider all the factors that might affect a situation. 62 Click Me
29 Understand Others Empathize Be Empathic to people emotions to help solve them. People with the Understand Others talent can sense feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or situations. 58 Click Me
30 Motivator Positive Positive attitude and motivation to move people. People with the Motivator talent have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do. 58 Click Me
31 Visionary Futurist Envision a better Future. People with the Visionary talent are inspired by the future and what could be, inspiring others with their visions of the future. 58 Click Me
32 Prudent Deliberate Deliberate carefully to find a safe solution. People with the Prudent talent take serious care in making decisions or choices. They can anticipate obstacles. 56 Click Me
33 Confidence Self-Confident Self-Confidence to lead or create new ways. People with the Confidence talent feel assure in their ability to manage their own lives; possessing an inner confidence that their decisions are right. 49 Click Me
34 Planner Strategize Strategize; Plan and identify relevant obstacles (to avoid them). People with the Planner talent create alternative ways to proceed. Given any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns or issues and find a functional path. 49 Click Me

You don’t know

You just didn’t know right, everybody feel like that. Used to, currently, or later.

Why hadn’t I born as a different person? With better stats, with better appearance?

I have had that thought since…Junior High I guess..It worsen at High School, but now I feel better, much better. You might not used to failure. But I am, but to be honest, your goals, your standard, I believe are much higher.

I remember clearly, one time the car was passing under a sky-way. I see beggars and street musicians and children on the street. Then I remember the housework-assistant. I am just luckier to have a better starting point. I look at them and i looked at me…If I was given the same start position as them, maybe I will end up like them, to…If..they have nice house, loving family, three or more meals a day, school, parents who support them, they could be like me too. So I realize..what I have achieved is simply a Compulsory. Good grades are a basic package of achievement, since my brain is not impaired, my parents paid for school and numerous courses. As  I type now  I looked back and I re-remembered that in order to provide my future children the comfort I have now, it all count on me. How I spend, how I shape myself, how I save, and in the future, how I educate them. I might be too paranoid but I believe its true. Counting all the expense my parents has spent on me and my sister have made me think that my father and mother didn’t shop, didn’t travel as much as they actually can afford , because they saved the money, all those cents they earn and the time they spent working for us. Their two little girls. I don’t really know about my sister, but I see that she is a hardworking girl that know where she goes. But me, I am a melodramatic, oversensitive drama queen who does little real work, but more weeping and moaning and regretting and slacking off…I don’t know where or what i want to be..really.Things are weird.I am weird. I don’t seem to have motivation.