You don’t know

You just didn’t know right, everybody feel like that. Used to, currently, or later.

Why hadn’t I born as a different person? With better stats, with better appearance?

I have had that thought since…Junior High I guess..It worsen at High School, but now I feel better, much better. You might not used to failure. But I am, but to be honest, your goals, your standard, I believe are much higher.

I remember clearly, one time the car was passing under a sky-way. I see beggars and street musicians and children on the street. Then I remember the housework-assistant. I am just luckier to have a better starting point. I look at them and i looked at me…If I was given the same start position as them, maybe I will end up like them, to…If..they have nice house, loving family, three or more meals a day, school, parents who support them, they could be like me too. So I realize..what I have achieved is simply a Compulsory. Good grades are a basic package of achievement, since my brain is not impaired, my parents paid for school and numerous courses. As  I type now  I looked back and I re-remembered that in order to provide my future children the comfort I have now, it all count on me. How I spend, how I shape myself, how I save, and in the future, how I educate them. I might be too paranoid but I believe its true. Counting all the expense my parents has spent on me and my sister have made me think that my father and mother didn’t shop, didn’t travel as much as they actually can afford , because they saved the money, all those cents they earn and the time they spent working for us. Their two little girls. I don’t really know about my sister, but I see that she is a hardworking girl that know where she goes. But me, I am a melodramatic, oversensitive drama queen who does little real work, but more weeping and moaning and regretting and slacking off…I don’t know where or what i want to be..really.Things are weird.I am weird. I don’t seem to have motivation.

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