It’s okay being afraid
It’s okay to feel down
It’s all humane.
Humane but not pleasant.
Everyone around me are supporting me. I got great family, with loving parents and sister and I have great friends, or should I say, BEST. They don’t really pressure me , and I just kind of roll with my study. I study at my usual pace, not really hard. By the third semester, things are not really bad. Now, entering 4th semester, I began to waver. Again. With lots of things. Scary assistant professor that is assigned to my group, the bitter professor who teach a certain class, the gap of my skill and enthusiasm compared to other student. And, these times of the year. I can still join national university entrance exam for one last time.
Today, seeing my favorite blogger post I realized that her, too, whom I idolized, gone through storms as well. Grades that’s below expectation, the feeling of not fitting in.
You know, I feel that too, in the 1st semester. I failed the most important class, and my marks aren’t that good either, only “common” class graded nicely (but everyone have high grades too) . The rest of the class, the “more specialized” ones, only got Cs.
I am sad but not shocked. Ever since I attend course I have seen people multiple times better than me. I regret. I want run.University hasn’t even start back then . By the end of second semester I joined the national university selection. Try to learn seriously but in the end got lazy and distracted. No pressure here. I guessed more than half the answers, Here and There. BOOM ! I got accepted to my 3rd choice.Let me gave you a hint. my first choice was a major favored by many. My second choice too, is a favorite, but not as famed as no.1 . I got the third choice, it is less favored because its rating was B, but still, it’s IN the most favorite university in my country . BOOM again. I passed that one class (with most credit count) I have to retake at 2nd semester . Not that I’m sad I pass, but it makes making choice much, much harder.I passed with a C, not admirable, I should say. For short , I choose to stay.
I do mention the bitter professor earlier right? He’s not bitter to the students, he is BITTER about students who goes to our major. He keeps saying, if you cant do this, don’t take this major, if you can’t do that, just go to the building ….. ( which happens to be the building for another major) . It pinned me down, It saddened me that I was easily swayed over those words. It bugs me because it means that my current skill has made even myself doubt my existence here.
It is that period of the year. I think I WILL take that national exam. And get slimmer. and better in time management. And finally figure out what I want to do and want to be. After all , I will turn twenty this year.
Also my umbrella hasn’t been found yet.
I missed the water delivery.Although I have postponed my other duty to wait for it. UGH
I have tons of task I haven’t tackle yet. I spend almost one hour here. DUH
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I AM AFRAID NOW.
THE HERE, THE NOW, THE YESTERDAY AND THE TOMORROW, ABOUT ME, ABOUT MY FRIENDS, MY LOVE LIFE, MY FUTURE CAREER, AND THE LIST GOES ON AND ON AND OFTEN THESE TOPICS I AM AFRAID OF POPS OUT OF NOWHERE, SOMETIMES AN OLD TOPIC, SOMETIMES NEW TOPICS.
I should tell you about my vacation in January 2017 and about my friend, who choose to switch major. These are prompts for my next posts.